oh take me back to the start

oh take me back to the start

♥ jiamin

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(no subject)	[Sep. 7th, 2009\|10:20 am]
sometimes she really doesn't want to cry she just wants to be with the person she loves and live happily ever after and all will be fine.
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(no subject)	[Sep. 22nd, 2008\|10:40 pm]
sometimes i take comfort that i had a beautiful life in the past : )
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(no subject)	[May. 26th, 2008\|08:31 pm]
redlightcity
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MOVED

[Mar. 26th, 2008|02:27 am]

[

Tags

goodbye

]

BYE BYE EVERYONE
LIVEJOURNAL GAVE ME AN AWESOME THREE YEARS + OF MY LIFE BUT YEAH I GOTTA DO WHAT I'VE GOTTA DO.
I'LL STILL BE HERE, JUST NOT BLOGGING ON THIS DOMAIN ANYMORE. DO DROP ME A MSG IF YOU WANT TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ME. :)

SEE YOU GUYS AROUND, TAKE CARE.

<3

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for the unloved and the loved

[Mar. 23rd, 2008|09:47 am]

[	Tags	\|	shilbe	]
[	Current Mood	\|	cheerful	]

( poppies in march )

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it's more than words

[Mar. 22nd, 2008|11:23 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	blank	]
[	Current Music	\|	more than words- westlife	]

somewhere along the way it's hard not to look back, and wonder about what it used to be like. the singing. the talking. the connection of souls, the affinity of kindred spirits, the telepathy clicking in the deepest of our hearts. i found those music scores and memories once again started pouring in, the clumsy yet sincere blend of voices still sends me wanting for more, driving an insane urge to sing every note inside out, till we perfect the music that we can call our own, but no longer.
and then embracing the change i came to love you alone, and there was still so much spiritual connection, you touched me so much where i don't even know myself, but i gave you up, and i gave everything all up.
now i don't even know what i'm doing, it doesn't seem like it's worth it, maybe this is a wrong way down a one-way street. most times i'm fine but sometimes it's so detached it makes me scared. and i don't ever remember it being so stressful to love. i know it's different for everyone, and you're just a little too different from me. we're too different. i'm still trying. but i don't want to lose myself, because then it wouldn't be love.

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it's time for some SEVEN-FIVE LOVE

[Mar. 22nd, 2008|12:38 pm]

[	Tags	\|	08s75	]
[	Current Mood	\|	ditzy	]
[	Current Music	\|	Guardian Angel - The red jumpsuit	]

me and valencia <3

pohting, audrey, me, kyna, eliz!

SEVEN FIVE !!!!!

V SUCCESSFUL JUMPSHOT OF LIHONG, ME (looking like i'm sitting in the air : D), ESTELLE (who didn't jump), AUDREY, VALENCIA, SHINYI AND POHTING (who can really jump!)

SEVEN FIVE GIRLS!!!!! <3

a v disgruntled bullboy lovin' valencia, me, estelle :)

THE MACHO MEN OF SEVEN FIVE
(okay, one macho man and one macho undefined)

HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE OUR CLASS

me, zhian : FOUNDERS, PRESIDENTS AND SOLE MEMBERS OF THE FATTY CLUB!!!

I WILL NEVER LET YOU FALL
I WILL STAND UP FOR YOU FOREVER
I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU THROUGH IT ALL

( 08s75 <3 )

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pocketful of love

[Mar. 20th, 2008|11:15 pm]

[	Tags	\|	08s75, 6a	]
[	Current Mood	\|	TOTALLY HIGH.	]
[	Current Music	\|	wo men de gu shi-tension	]

HAHAHAHA hi world i'm on a super-high :) today has been such a wonderful day, it started off raining but after that we had alot of fun cleaning up rubbish at east coast during fac cip despite the stink and the dirt (lihong and i were super enthused and we collected TONNES of rubbish) after which 08s75ers all hung around to bike/blade and i was biking with enyi and lihong and it was really fun and now i'm vaguely sunburnt (...sunkissed!) but very happy.
then 08s75 played pool in that sneazy smoky place. and that was when nicholas RAMMED A BALL INTO ANOTHER BALL WHICH MY FINGERS WERE CLUTCHING... my middle finger got SMASHED IN BETWEEN TWO ROCK SOLID POOL BALLS THAT COLLIDED AT FULL FORCE AND IT BECAME NUMB AND IS NOW A TAD SWOLLEN. it was excruciating pain but nicholas made it up with a whole subway meal to me so all's good : D (here i insert an exclamation about subway's white chip macademia nut cookie!!!<333) yeah and i realised how pro liangsai and jianrui were at pool. especially liangsai, he's IMPOSSIBLY GOOD AT IT, and i'm in awe. : O so after dinner at subway we all went to plaza singapuraaaa, where i left to meet up with 6A'03. goood times goood times haha i feel so happy everytime i see these old pals again, we don't glue to one another but we don't disconnect either, it felt warm and easy to be around everyone. (inserts another exclamation about sunkist orange fruit juice nuggets! koped shamelessly from eehui)

also, bingxiang is damn retarded. he does things like suddenly taking eehui's bag and ransacking it, scrutinising the contents with much skepticism, making funny comments etcetc. and he laughs spasticily. (with much spasticness?) -------___________---|||
but red line gang ftw. and toa payoh gang rocks foreverrrrr.
i just love people who can make me laugh and forget my worries=)

okay now i am aching and it feels good : D

and i'll give you happiness : DD

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i want to hurt you like you do me, but i just can't bear to.

[Mar. 18th, 2008|11:01 pm]

[

Current Mood

cold

]

life has a way of teaching me things.

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(no subject)	[Mar. 18th, 2008\|01:26 pm]
i won't be surprised if i fail, though i'll certainly be very sad.
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why is the sky blue?

[Mar. 16th, 2008|11:39 pm]

[	Tags	\|	reflection	]
[	Current Mood	\|	peaceful	]

mmm last piano lesson today...my teacher said : "so sad you're leaving, i like you very much" and it was then i realised how much i liked her too. i really really want to do well, do us proud, but i'm scared, more than ever before. :/ i hope my nerves won't get me down on tuesday...

that aside, lunch+shopping+study date with melissa was good, as always. i loveee the girl we have so much fun together laughing and looking at pretty things but we know when to be serious and sit down to do our work quietly. it's all very comfortable and assuring to be around people like her, and i like the easiness :)

one week flew by just in the twinkling of an eye but really i liked this holiday very much, because everyday i'm surrounded by people i love. i feel like i've done so much more than i ever did in the rest of the year that has passed...choir on last friday, monday, tuesday, wednesday, friday, doing all sorts of things like performing, playing games over dinner, banner painting, kboxing and just bonding was cool : ) on tuesday i emoed with kaiye which was therapeutic in the weirdest sense, it helped me sort out my thoughts and all and the songs were just love, i just want to tell you that you guys are the sweetest together, :). class dinner (407) was nice too, despite not mingling much i still enjoyed the company, and the warm sense of familiarity was brilll. andddddddddddd thursday/friday/saturday with you = love^infinity!

.
hope everyone had fun too :)
+

sometimes i'm so envious of other people, but most times i'm just glad i have you at all. :)

if i lie here
if i just lie here
would you lie here with me and just forget the world?

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riohc!

[Mar. 15th, 2008|11:00 pm]

[	Tags	\|	choir	]
[	Current Mood	\|	recumbent	]
[	Current Music	\|	lullabyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy	]

lullaby, lullaby
twilight is spreading silver wings over the sky
lullaby lullaby,
fairy elves are softly treading
folding buds as they pass by.

( COME ON SING ALONG )

lullaby, lullaby
deep in the clover drone the bees softly to rest.
lullaby, lullaby
close white lids your dear eyes over...
mother's arms shall be your rest.

<3

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perhaps i beautify things too much

[Mar. 15th, 2008|01:47 pm]

[

Current Mood

content

]

so, i won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure
+

yesterday night i had the BEST DREAM EVER.

there was a boy with me, a boy that i loved, and the city was dead in the dead of the night but we were more alive than anything. we met to celebrate something, i can't remember what, then we didn't know what to do so we took 157 to KAP macs and shared a coke that froze our cheeks at 2am, and we moved from place to place taking turns to sleep throughout the night in that area because kap was closed at 2am. when he slept i looked at his sleeping face and i felt so blissful, sometimes when we were both awake we looked into each other eyes and then we would give questioning gazes but we didn't say anything cos i didn't want to spoil the quiet. but deep inside i was wishing that he loved me too, and for a while it felt like i couldn't contain my heart which was beating too fast for my breath to catch up with.

whenever he felt like it he stared into space singing the same lyrics from "now that you're near" (hillsong united). hold me in your arms, never let me go, i wanna spend eternity with you.

i smiled everytime he sang that, imagining that it was me he was singing to.

i was wearing my green sweater, yet in the chilling cold i felt so stunned and shiverish, but his smile and the sound of his voice were the warmest thing ever.. then at 530am we had breakfast at kap, i poured honey syrup all over my hotcakes and they tasted like heaven. the hashbrown was fresh and piping hot too, only the coffee was crap. then the crap coffee made me so SLEEPY (highly unlikely, but it was a dream okay.) that in that corner of kap i slept in his lap for an hour (it was the most peaceful sleep ever) until he finally bugged me to wake up and we took a random bus to cityhall and we sat at the fountain at raffles city. it was too early in the morning so it was just still-water, no vivid shiny noisy splashes of water droplets to disturb us so we talked for a bit, and it felt surprisingly easy and carefree. i remember being awed at the awkward way we seem to make sense to each other, because we were so different, but we needed each other.

finally he sent me home right up to my doorstep...and i woke up!!
:)

i'm feeling super sluggish now, but it's a good kind of sluggish it's just so relaxing to sit back and listen to music on a warm balmy saturdayyy afternoon, after having walked the city for the entire night and slept at the randomest of places and had hotcakes for breakfast. : D

i think i really like dreaming. shut my eyes and all the world drops dead, i lift my lids and all is born again, but
don't wake me up (yet)

+
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate, i'm yours

(don't wake me up)

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i'll never leave you, just need to be closer

[Mar. 14th, 2008|12:06 am]

[	Tags	\|	choir	]
[	Current Mood	\|	content	]
[	Current Music	\|	closer-travis	]

( whisper and sigh <3 )

now now isn't that lovely :)
so many more happy days to come, rioHC!! xoxo

-

today is 14th march
regardless of all the doubts and insecurities i have had, it's been a good month
so many more happy months to come, hopefully!
<3

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lean on me now, lean on me now

[Mar. 13th, 2008|10:21 am]

[	Tags	\|	apt song	]
[	Current Mood	\|	okay	]

Closer - Travis

I've had enough, of this parade.
I'm thinking of the words to say.
We open up, unfinished parts,
Broken up, its only love.

And when I see you then I know it will be next to me
And when I need you then I know you will be there with me
I'll never leave you...

Just need to get closer, closer,
Lean on me now,Lean on me now,
closer, closer,Lean on me now,
Lean on me now.

Keep waking up (waking up), without
you here (without you here).
Another day (another day), another year (another year).
I seek the truth (seek the truth), we set apart (we set apart)
Thinking of a second chance (a second chance).

And when I see you then I know it will be next to me
And when I need you then I know
you will be there with me
I'll never leave you...

Just need to get closer, closer,
Lean on me now,Lean on me now,
closer, closer,Lean on me now,
Lean on me now (lean on me now).

closer, closer... closer, closer.

-
-
-
this song is for you.

and also, i really miss nanyang.
(quotes yichan)
i miss having lessons in a CLASSROOM i miss having the entire level to ourselves i miss walking around the classrooms in the science block and seeing the people that have been studying with me for four years and saying hi to themi miss seeing my teachers around and calling out to them i miss having mr mac as the choir teacher in charge i miss 407 i miss having lunch in the canteen and talking with 407 people i miss being late for lessons and getting locked out of class i miss having mrs ho as my math teacher i miss singing aloud in science block toilets cos nobody listens and you just blast your hearts out i miss having lab lessons and cutting up prawn and peanuts and godknowswhatelse i miss taking choir sectionals with louise i miss being comfortable with what i am i miss playing the piano at the canteen i miss the life i used to have i miss having people that i can trust
(/unquotes yichan)

i miss nanyang for all that it's given us. really, best years of our lives.
it's a hollow. i feel hollow. rarrr haha.
nothing will ever be the same anymore.

but,
lean on me now

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deep in the clover

[Mar. 12th, 2008|10:42 pm]

[	Tags	\|	choir	]
[	Current Mood	\|	calm	]
[	Current Music	\|	lullaby	]

TODAY WAS SUCH A JOYOUS DAY, firstly our! banner! must! be! the! most! gorgeous! banner! in! the! school! :D when i saw the finished product my heart was bursting with all the relief and happiness and gratitude (for everyone who contributed!) in the world, hohoho, and i'm so glad to say that this banner holds so many memories for us, and yeah we had a hell of a time doing it while singing songs and sharing jokes didn't we! yayayayyay to yellow scraps of sequinned cloth and white paint and chalk and SHOUTOUT TO FELLOW PUBLICITY COMM PEOPLE, love you guys xoxoxoxoxo :)) and to our seniors: WE DID IT !

and then performance was okay, it was not horrible nor fantastic but enjoyable all the same. i'm quite amazed at how much we improved, even though we're not good yet, we've still come quite a distance and it's something remarkable, something heartwarming, i'd say. :)
-
-
-
mmmm there's just something therapeutic about singing together with everyone scattered all over a pitch-dark room, i loved feeling individual, yet reliant on one another all the same, and the way we had to reach out to one another with our voices gave such a surreal feeling.
there's also something very therapeutic about watching raindrops drip down at a bus-stop, when it's dark and the only lights come from the buses and the street lamps: it's cold but warm all the same.

so today was a nice day and i love you, hwachong choir, especially the j1s.
i'm proud of us :)

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konstantine

[Mar. 12th, 2008|08:27 am]

[	Tags	\|	i am not moodswinging	]
[	Current Mood	\|	cheerful	]

to give in instead of give up. mmmmm.

junjie bored some sense into me, and i think okay, i've emoed enough, time to move on to conquer the next few obstacles. :) i'm strong, and together with the rest of the j1s we're going to be infinite. we're going to prove everyone wrong and we're gonna accomplish great things. we shall not be brought down, instead we're gonna keep looking up, looking straight, looking aheaddddddd.

i guess yesterday was just a very bad day, i'm very sorry for the crude rant :/ but after a good night's sleep and feeling relatively more recharged, i proudly proclaim that TODAY WILL BE A GOOD DAY. i'm actually quite excited to see the finished banner shining in all its yellow sequin glory and also to sing for the first time ever in a public performance with the j1s! (and all that camwhoring and makingup hahahahah wooots rocks my socks)

i'm not sure why i'm feeling so uplifted today, maybe i'm beginning to take certain things in my stride. sometimes, however hard it may be, we just have got to move on.

don't concede defeat: there's gonna be something better for each of us somewhere out there.

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you don't know me, you don't even care

[Mar. 11th, 2008|10:16 pm]

[	Tags	\|	emo	]
[	Current Mood	\|	DEMORALISED.	]
[	Current Music	\|	boston-augustana	]

in a very hollow nutshell, i feel like crap.

1) i've had miss lim for four years and counting, and today she lashed out at us again as usual, yet today felt like one of the most miserable choir sessions ever, as miss lim scolded us for all the nitty gritty weeny mini things that we j1s fail to do properly. usually i try not to let it get to me too much, but today i just felt this overbearing sensation of shame and disgust replacing all the hope and drive i had and it's not like i didn't try, or not i'd have known when i deserved the lashing..it's that i've tried so hard and i've given it my all, yet there's still this neverending gulf between where we stand and where she wants us to finally end up, and we just cannot measure up, and i don't know what to do. i've been giving my everything, my time, my energy, my contributions however insignificant in the form of encouragement to the boys and everyone else and the effort put in to break up the cliques and integrate the rest or just help to those who need it, i've conscientiously carried out all my responsibilities and made timely sacrifices, i've tried to change for the better in order to make improvements to the dynamics of the choir. and i know these are really small things and they definitely can't compare to what our legendary seniors have done, but i really tried, to no avail. at times like this she makes me feel so useless, so helpless, so tired, i haven't felt so discouraged for choir in a long while, maybe it's time to put ourselves through the mill and go get beaten up, to feel what it's like being trained.
afterall the strive for excellence was never easy, we gotta have that spirit.
but i'm just feeling really worn out today.

2) there's guest performance for rv concert tomorrow, and contrary to common belief i pray with all my might that we are not going to flop.

3) there's just so much shit to do. econs tutorial, bio tutorial, maths assignment, and a hell lot of revision beckons.

4) then there's my piano examination.

5) i don't know what to feel/think anymore, maybe i give up, yeah that doesn't sound so bad afterall.

banner painting was midly fun though, we sewed yellow sequined cloth onto the banner and it was sadistic fun getting pricked by the needle every 5 seconds. : D after that hung around with kaiye while doing maths. we were letting each other hear songs and they so aptly described our sentiments, it was creepy and i felt like bashing him up for making me face up to my feelings, these feelings for which i am ashamed. but thank you pineapple, music to wake me up,
it was something i craved for.

that just barely salvaged the suckiness of today, though.
today was one of those days i just felt like putting everything away and floating off to somewhere that didn't exist, and then maybe i wouldn't
have to exist.

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as far as lovers go	[Mar. 10th, 2008\|10:13 pm]
it's different for everyone, i''m counting the days.
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rain pain go away	[Mar. 10th, 2008\|07:07 pm]
my tea's gone cold. the rain is going pitter-patter to a rhythm so steady it's hypnotising me. i have been drifting in and out of consciousness all day and i'm not in the rightest state of mind now. all i remember of today was that we painted a banner for Voices In Flight 08 and when it was done bingyu told us it was too small and so we have to get a BIGGER PIECE OF CLOTH and re-paint a new one tomorrow, hahahahah but it was reallly, really pure unadulterated fun chalking and laughing at one another's ugly handwriting and basking in the warm sounds of burung kakak tua and lullaby as we worked. ashton was being retarded, he was personifying the hardened brush insisting that "the brush is angsty and angered because you guys refuse to use it!"and promptly went ahead to use the dried up brush and <s>ruin the painting</s>... :D after that was lunch at the penang kitchen and then zhihui huiwei and i trooped off to chinatown to get the new cloth. people, i CAN haggle hahaha we got $30 worth of cloth for around $24 :$ and we also ate mr bean's soya bean ice-cream haha. so when i was there i was just astounded by the variety of material and texture and colour of cloth and i was imagining all the clothes i could make, if i could make clothes. from scratch. it'd be fun. after i stop piano lessons (like after this week..) i shall try making clothes haha mmmmmmm. so i'm back here after my piano lesson and i'm listening to the rain pelting onto the ground and i really really want to sleep!!! actually i think a day like this calls for hot cocoa with some marshmellows, bossa nova music, a good book or a magazine, and a blanket, and i'll be sheltered in the comfort of my home with nobody here but me listening to my own heartbeat
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